MEG woke up about 0200 this morning and won’t go back to sleep – yet. I’m hoping to bore her to tears with internet surking so she will go back to sleep, so I can go back to sleep.

While looking around this morning, my friend prying1 (alternate site: prying1books.com) forwarded this to me:

From the MANITOBA HERALD, Canada

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

The possibility of a McCain/Palin election is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O’Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. ‘I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,’ said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. ‘The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.’

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. ‘Not real effective,’ he said. ‘The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn’t give milk.’

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. ‘A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,’ an Ontario border patrolman said. ‘I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though.’

When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the McCain administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for the Rapture.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the ’50s. ‘If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,’ an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. ‘I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,’ an Ottawa resident said. ‘How many art history and English majors does one country need?’

Thank you for stopping by, In GOD We Trust, God bless you all, listen to The O Word on BlogTalkRadio, Wear Red on Fridays, and support Warriors for Innocence!

224 – disgusting!

A little later than normal, but that’s the way Friday goes sometimes.

Good show this morning, on The O Word – go listen to the archive (forgive the voice, it’s still recovering) and rate the show! Subjects touched on were the Olympic Medal Count, Telegraphing Your Punches, Typo Vigilantes, Building 7 (WTC), Cindy’s House, and a word about a possible Tiebreaker at the Elections.

Big thanks to prying1 (his book listings can be found here), mdconservative, Mrs. CP(AnnieB) and of course my favorite squid Gawfer for joining me in the chat room.

prying1 has a scanned copy of a poetry booklet from the “Lost Battalion” circa WW1 and has a post up about it on his regular blog, Digging a Little Deeper. He has also made it available to any who are interested to download it, and you would be free to print it out if you so desire.

Thank you for stopping by, In GOD We Trust, God bless you all, Time, Inc. is a bunch of weasels, listen to The O Word on BlogTalkRadio, Wear Red on Fridays, and support Warriors for Innocence!

Our second favorite cousin (his wife is TMBWitW’s most favoritest) sent this first batch:

I encourage you all to print these out and post them in a convenient spot in your homes.
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of scalding water down your throat. PRESTO! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you’ll be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and it does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember – everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

In a related vein, SFC also sent this a while back, about a new element:

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

And, to close off Twisted Tuesday, please enjoy this daily thought:

Some people are like Slinkys^® – not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

Thank you for stopping by, In GOD We Trust, God bless you all, Time, Inc. is a bunch of weasels, listen to The O Word on BlogTalkRadio, Wear Red on Fridays, and support Warriors for Innocence!

It’s time once again for a quick word from my cousin (actually, he’s my wife’s cousin, but I’ve claimed him as mine, too. I’m cool like that.)

While watching a little TV on Sunday instead of going to church, I watched a Church in Atlanta honoring one of its senior pastors who had been retired many years. He was 92 at that time and I wondered why the Church even bothered to ask the old gentleman to preach at that age.

After a warm welcome, introduction of this speaker, and as the applause quieted down he rose from his high back chair and walked slowly, with great effort and a sliding gait to the podium. Without a note or written paper of any kind he placed both hands on the pulpit to steady himself and then quietly and slowly he began to speak….

“When I was asked to come here today and talk to you, your pastor asked me to tell you what was the greatest lesson ever learned in my 50 odd years of preaching. I thought about it for a few days and boiled it down to just one thing that made the most difference in my life and sustained me through all my trials. The one thing that I could always rely on when tears and heart break and pain and fear and sorrow paralyzed me… The only thing that would comfort was this verse………

‘Jesus loves me this I know.
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong,
We are weak but He is strong…..
Yes, Jesus loves me…
The Bible tells me so.'”

When he finished, the church was quiet. You actually could hear his foot steps as he shuffled back to his chair. I don’t believe I will ever forget it.

A pastor once stated, “I always noticed that it was the adults who chose the children’s hymn ‘Jesus Loves Me’ (for the children of course) during a hymn sing, and it was the adults who sang the loudest because I could see they knew it the best.”

Here is a new version just for us who have white hair or no hair at all. For those of us over middle age (or even those almost there) and all you others, check out the “Senior Version” of Jesus Loves Me:

JESUS LOVES ME

Jesus loves me, this I know,
Though my hair is white as snow
Though my sight is growing dim,
Still He bids me trust in Him.

(CHORUS)
YES, JESUS LOVES ME.. YES, JESUS LOVES ME..
YES, JESUS LOVES ME FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

Though my steps are oh, so slow,
With my hand in His I’ll go
On through life, let come what may,
He’ll be there to lead the way.

(CHORUS)

When the nights are dark and long,
In my heart He puts a song.
Telling me in words so clear,
‘Have no fear, for I am near.’

(CHORUS)

When my work on earth is done,
And life’s victories have been won.
He will take me home above,
Then I’ll understand His love

(CHORUS)

I love Jesus, does He know?
Have I ever told Him so?
Jesus loves to hear me say,
That I love Him every day.

(CHORUS)

Thank you for stopping by, In GOD We Trust, God bless you all, Time, Inc. is a bunch of weasels, listen to The O Word on BlogTalkRadio, Wear Red on Fridays, and support Warriors for Innocence!

Saw this over at Texas Fred’s place and thought I would share it with you. He got it from a neighbor and fellow gun-owner, and wanted to pass it on to all of us:

The purpose of fighting is to win.
There is no possible victory in defense.
The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either.
The final weapon is the brain.
All else is supplemental.

1. Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
3. I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.
4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.
5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him “Why do you carry a 45?”
The Ranger responded, “Because they don’t make a 46.”
6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.
7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. “Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?”
“No Ma’am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.”
8. Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!

But wait, there’s more!

I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house. I said I did.

She said “Well I certainly hope it isn’t loaded!”

To which I said, “Of course it is loaded, can’t work without bullets!”

She then asked, “Are you that afraid of some one evil coming into your house?”

My reply was, “No, not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too.”

To which I’ll add, having a gun in the house that isn’t loaded is like having a car in the garage without gas in the tank.

I’m a firm believer of the 2nd Amendment! If you are too, please pass this around.

Remember – never advertise how well armed you are, or how well trained your dogs are. Let it be a surprise.

Thank you for stopping by, God bless you all, Time, Inc. is a bunch of weasels, listen to The O Word on BlogTalkRadio, Wear Red on Fridays, and support Warriors for Innocence!