You read that right: I stole this from gawfer, because it is so darn good.

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WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN, GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I’m going to put em? Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty – starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska – which will [in time] take care of this country’s oil needs for decades to come. If you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, “darn tootin.”

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won’t forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

HAT TIP: RS

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I’ve mentioned this before – if we pull back, and concern ourselves with number one, then the rest of the world would be in the hurt locker real quick.

God bless you all.

I should have included this in yesterday’s post. I appreciate the feedback I have gotten so far – thank you TL and sues – but really, there is a second part to this Dare.

When the authority figures get their collective acts together, then We The People need to do our part. We need to be involved in our community, our family, our government. It may be written as by the people, for the people, but the power has rested in the hands of the elite few for so long that the average Joe forgets that he, too, can be elected to an office. So, what’s keeping you from running for an office?

OK, maybe not a political track for you. How involved are you in your community? Do you live in an HOA? Are you attending every meeting? Have you served on the board? What about your kid’s school? Have you witnessed a PTA/PTO meeting? Are you involved in your children’s activities? Not just as cheerleader/taxi driver, but INVOLVED? Do you belong to a church? I don’t mean attend, I mean BELONG? Have you committed your resources to the church of your choice? Do you volunteer in your church? Has your library seen you as other than a patron? They need help, too – what about the hospice in your community? Meals on Wheels?

I guess what I’m trying to say is, this is a two way street – you need to be involved, so your government knows that they need to do their part.

Thanks for listening, and stay safe. God bless you all.

I dare you – no, I double-dog dare you – if you are in a position of authority, to enforce the laws that are on the books.

Police Chiefs, this means you start writing tickets for traffic infractions. Even the guy that stops at the intersection with his bumper in the crosswalk – give him a ticket. What? Not enough police? Hire them – the revenue will be there to pay them. Higher police presence = lower overall crime rate. Put the fear of the law back into the general populace! I dare you!

Governors, this means you start treating your state like the sovereign entity that it is. Don’t rely on the Feds to cover your butt if something happens – get the citizen’s pride involved in the well-being of their state! Forest Fire? You should have to turn away the volunteers! Flood? More sandbags than needed should be filled! Tornado? Host homes open up to help the neighbors who lost theirs. Foreign invaders from another country? Don’t make it economically feasible for companies to hire them, and they won’t come to your state.

Mr. President, this means you need to get up and enforce the constitution! Don’t stand by and let leaders of other countries dictate what the actions of this NATION should be! We have our laws, they apply only to those who are citizens of this nation. People who are not citizens of our nation do not have the same rights as those who are; do not allow them to bully you, your House, you Congress, or your Judges into kowtowing to them! They want rights? Make them renounce their other citizenship and become citizens of this country. Trying to run a war? Arrest anyone who leaks or publishes ANYTHING that could compromise the safety of YOUR troops. Political Correctness has no place on a battlefield, do what needs to be done and get it over with. What’s that? A true Christian wouldn’t wage war? NO, but we won’t stand around and let someone walk all over us – we will defend what is ours, that’s part of being a good steward as directed by God. It’s not murder if it’s done in defense of one’s own.

Has everyone gotten the picture yet? Two soldiers, who were captured in the middle of an attack, created such a problem for their captors, probably causing many injuries if not deaths, that they were tortured and killed in the vicinity of their capture because the ANIMALS who took them couldn’t control them. The enemy is not humane, do not treat them as such. They have no respect for the rules we obey, they only respect brute force. If this country is afraid to use brute force because it might “offend” the “progressive thinkers,” then perhaps the “progressive thinkers” need to get more involved in the effort to secure the safety and well being of this country.

I read a blog entry the other day that derided the statement “If we don’t fight them over there, we will have to fight them here.” The writer asserted that the enemy couldn’t come over here because they don’t have the ships and aircraft needed to attack us. No, they don’t. They come over here in ones and twos, gather together, take one of our aircraft by force and THEN attack. You want to keep seeing that every day in the news? I don’t! THAT’S why we are fighting them “over there!”

Now, get off your butts and fire up your leadership to start enforcing that which is already law – the end result will be more peace, more security, and more prosperity for US!

God bless you all! Yes, even the whiney liberal progressive thinkers!

Saturday morning, my friend Dave (not the one that e-mailed the list) came over and helped me set the new door in the gaping hole.

Maybe I should mention that we used to have a sliding glass door (sometimes called an Arcadia door) that lead to the backyard. It was a low quality, off-brand, cheap piece of crap that the builder saved money on. After nearly six years of use, it was worn out to the point that it was difficult for me (being the young, strapping former Marine that I am) to open and close – never mind my gorgeous wife. And, for some reason, the dogs keep insisting on being let in and out. Before you say “doggie door,” let me remind you that Sara, at 105 pounds of lap dog, and Logan, with his polynueropathy, would need a doggie door big enough for a cow, never mind any would-be burglars foolish enough to attempt entry.

Anyway, bright and early in the AM, I started to remove the old brokenness slider, and prep the opening for the new coolness double French Door. Dave showed up at 8, as promised, and by 9 he was on his way home and I was putting the finishing touches on the hardware. Now all it needs is trim moulding on the inside and stucco on the outside. That, and painting. (I’m going to have a painting weekend soon, in order to catch up some of these projects. Any volunteers?)

TMBWitW is happy that she can open and close the door without the help of the jaws of life, the dogs are relearning many years of habit (the old brokenness opened on the left, the new coolness opens on the right), and there is much less air loss around the new door. My finish skills are going to be put to the test, since the door is square true and plumb and the walls are not.

Pictures to follow, maybe. Depends on how hard Blogger has made it to upload them.

In the mean time, I hope you all had an enjoyable Father’s Day weekend. God bless you all! Yes, even you, the one hiding behind your keyboard!

My friend, Dave, sent this to me via e-mail:

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I came across this phrase in a book yesterday: “FENDER SKIRTS”. A term I haven’t heard in a long time, and thinking about “fender skirts” started me thinking about other words that quietly disappeared from our language with hardly a notice.

Like “curb feelers” and “steering knobs.” Since I’d been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that direction first. Any kids will probably have to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you.

Remember “Continental kits?” They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.

When did we quit calling them “emergency brakes?” At some point “parking brake” became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with “emergency brake.”

I’m sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call the accelerator the “foot feed.”

Didn’t you ever wait at the street for your daddy to come home, so you could ride the “running board” up to the house? Full disclosure: Dad’s car didn’t have running boards while I was growing up, but there were plenty of relatives with them. On their cars, I mean.

Here’s a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore – “store-bought.” Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days. But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy.

“Coast to coast” is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and now means almost nothing. Now we take the term “world wide” for granted. This floors me.

On a smaller scale, “wall-to-wall” was once a magical term in our homes. In the ’50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.

When’s the last time you heard the quaint phrase “in a family way?” It’s hard to imagine that the word “pregnant” was once considered a little too graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company. So we had all that talk about stork visits and “being in a family way” or simply “expecting.”

I always loved going to the “picture show,” but I considered “movie” an affectation. More disclosure: I’ve always called them “movies”, plural. ‘Cause all the pictures (plural, again) moved.

Most of these words go back to the ’50s, but here’s a pure-’60s word I came across the other day – “rat fink.” Ooh, what a nasty put-down!

Here’s a word I miss – “percolator.” That was just a fun word to say. And what was it replaced with? “Coffee maker.” How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.

I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern and now sound so retro. Words like “DynaFlow” and “Electrolux.” Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with “SpectraVision!”

Food for thought – Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that’s what castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore!

Some words aren’t gone, but are definitely on the endangered list. The one that grieves me most is “supper.” Now everybody says “dinner.” Save a great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.

Someone forwarded this to me. I thought some of us of a “certain age” would remember most of these.

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OK, fess up – how many do you miss? Which ones of these have you never heard? I was born in the early ’60s – and I was the fifth of an eventual seven. My older siblings helped me appreciate the Golden Age of television as it was setting, although we didn’t have a color TV until the mid ’70s. Not that we missed it, we were too busy playing outside all the time to worry about the TV.

God Bless you all! Whether you want to be blessed or not! It’s not your choice!