This Wednesday funny is brought to you by my cousin, J, who got it from his brother, T, who is an active-duty LT in the Navy. T, thank you for your service and your sense of humor.

Gotta love Texans…
So this Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.”

The old rancher says, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”

The Water representative says, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”

The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the rancher’s bull. The bull is gaining with every step.

The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..

“Your card! Show him your card!”

Thank you for stopping by, God bless you all, Wear Red on Fridays, and support Warriors for Innocence!

My cousin, the one who sent me last Friday’s funny, sent me this one this week:

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What? Too many shakes?

UPS – 1, FedEx – 0

Just one – that’s all I ask – just let me touch one of them…

Hmmm, let’s try spelling first, and then move on to more complicated subjects…

I think it was the FedEx driver:

This wouldn’t happen to be by the school that teaches Arithetic, would it?

Sometimes, a name change would be a good idea…

Hey, take me to the cleaners!

Don’t rush me – this is a very important decision…

Turns out I can’t there from here, anyway.

Little known fact: CMT’s new series, My Redneck Wedding, was inspired by this sign:

Oh, the Joys! Oh, the Blessings! Oh, the College Tuition!

Uhm, logic check, lane one …

Actually, kind of a relief, wouldn’t you say?

Take two languages, both with idiosyncrasies, idioms, and a tricky sentence structure, and mix goodly:

The cow jumped over the what?

Hay, Martha! Feed ’em some burritos, and let’s go!

I think I know what happened to Mr. FedEx here…

Oh, the shame of not knowing how to react…

I – I – I just don’t know what to say here…

Grass? What grass? Oh, I get it – it’s one of those preachy, “artsy-fartsy” anti-drug messages, man…

Now, I don’t feel so bad for failing physics…

Now hiring for what? Short term employment?

Don’t drink and make road signs, you mean…

It must have been the FedEx driver!

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Have a safe weekend, and come back soon!

Thank you for stopping by, God bless you all, Wear Red on Fridays, and support Warriors for Innocence!